- Are you offered a choice of waters (Still? Sparkling? Reverse osmosis?) for your custom compounded water-based lubricant at the time of naso-intestinal tube insertion?
- Does your infusionist ask your preferred pronunciation of ‘duodenum’ and maintain consistency with this throughout your treatment?
- Other than the above example, does your infusionist maintain an inexhaustible vocabulary of enthusiastic euphemisms for what is actually happening, allowing you to process the entire experience as trend-setting spa novelty?
- Do stool donors represent a wide variety of gluten-free, paleo-eating crossfitters, gap-year world travelers, and organic gentleman farmers with boutique dirt under their fingernails for optimal microbiota diversity?
- Are you continuously reminded of your superlative status as a human being afforded to you by the purchase of your custom intestinal patina?
- As you consider us, we hope you graciously agree that your disposable-income level deserves the best internal ecosystem.