If you’ve seen my inspirational tweet, you already know that I, a conservative politician, am a huge Dr. King fan. On this, MLK’s birthday or death-day or maybe the day he gave some big speech or whatever, we celebrate a civil rights icon whose activism and sacrifice serve as a stirring antithesis to me, my regressive policies, and everything my party stands for.

Dr. King preached nonviolence, which I can appreciate as someone who has accepted millions of dollars from the NRA and voted against every single sensible gun law that’s had the misfortune of reaching my desk. Nonviolent resistance is the only way to go, folks. Unless, of course, you see a Black kid in a hoodie, or a Black person of any age doing anything, anywhere, in which case you have a constitutional right—a civic duty, even—to stand your ground.

Yep, I think Dr. King would totally back me up when I say: Blue Lives Matter.

Another thing my hero MLK and I would agree on is that the old Jim Crow laws were barbaric. Segregated schools, separate drinking fountains: it’s all so obvious. I prefer the new Jim Crow, the mass incarceration of Black and brown people, which is just as oppressive and degrading, but subtler and more insidious, aka “progress” (wink).

As Dr. King noted, “Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” This is such an amazing point, which is why it’s essential that we keep turning low-level offenders into convicted felons and suppressing ALL voters of color so that they can’t demand we leave office via the ballot box.

I do believe it was my idol Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who said, “Voting is a privilege.”

Like myself, the reverend was a man of tremendous faith, and he was all about freedom. It just so happens that my party invokes religious liberty to rob millions of women, LGBTQ people, and non-Christians of their basic human rights. Coincidence? As Dr. King said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Is there a greater injustice than a humble funeral director who can’t fire his employee for being transgender? This is still illegal in 24 states! It’s unconscionable. Obviously, we still have a long way to go before we reach the promised land, where church and state are one entity.

I could go on and on about how much I have in common with my brother-from-another-mother, Dr. K:

  • He preached equality; I feel that there are very fine people on both sides.
  • He embodied service and sacrifice; I hail the Confederate flag as a symbol of the same.
  • He confronted income disparity; I confront the disparity in income tax rates between the wealthy and the poor.
  • He advocated Freedom of Speech; I hate that cancel culture will one day end my career.
  • He had a dream; my party is a waking nightmare.
  • He went to the mountaintop; I am super into hiking. I mean, we’re practically the same person.

I only wish I could celebrate MLK Day more, but I have a pro-gun rally to attend, and I’m still hungover from celebrating Lee-Jackson Day. Martin Luther King was great and all, but those guys are more my speed.