We Are Living in Orwell’s 1984. I Think. I Don’t Know. I Didn’t Read the Book. Who’s Orwell?

“We are living Orwell’s 1984.” — Donald Trump Jr. after Twitter permanently suspended his father’s account for inciting violence.

It’s finally happened, folks. We are literally living in Orwell’s 1984. I think. I mean, I’m pretty sure. I don’t know. It’s a book? I knew that. I know it’s a book. It’s just been a long time since I read it. OK, fine, I never read it. But, like, I know what it’s about. It’s about how bad 1984 was, right? And now we’re there again. In Orwell’s 1984. Who’s Orwell?

The popcorn guy. It’s the popcorn guy. Yeah, and the popcorn guy made 1984 a terrible year. And now it’s basically like we’re in the popcorn guy’s worst year. Wait, no—that’s Orville. Not Orwell. Right? Orville’s the popcorn guy.

We are living in Orville’s 1984. Free speech is like popcorn now. No, it’s the popcorn kernels. Free speech is the kernels of popcorn, and then what’s happened is they’ve popped all the popcorn kernels, so they’ve popped free speech. Yeah, that’s right. That’s the metaphor.

So we’re living in Orville’s 1984. And popcorn is everywhere. And we want to get rid of the popcorn. And that’s why it was OK to storm the Capitol. That place is full of popped popcorn.

This doesn’t sound right. Maybe it’s not Orville.

It’s Orwell? So I was right, we’re living in Orwell’s 1984. The book. The book called Orwell’s 1984, which I’ve read, and I know about. And it’s actually my favorite book, because it predicted what’s happening right now. It predicted all of this. It predicted The Masked Singer, and Bean Dad, and Baby Shark, and Left Shark, and BTS, and Adele Dazeem, and not being able to say “Merry Christmas” anymore. It was just, like, a great book.

But it should’ve stayed a book. Now it’s real. The book is real. And we need to get out of the book. Yes, that’s what I’m trying to say. We’re physically inside the book Orwell’s 1984 and we need to get out of the book.

What’s that? It’s just called 1984? Right, of course. I like to call it Orwell’s 1984, just to remind people I know that it’s called 1984 and that I know about Orwell.

So we’re living in 1984. That’s what I’ve meant this whole time. We’re living in the year 1984. We’ve gone back in time, and it’s ruined everything. We want to go… hold on… one… two… 37 years forward. So we can get back to reality, am I right?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is this: we’re somehow in the year 1984, and we need to travel 37 years into the future to stop Orville from popping all the kernels of free speech so we can start saying “Adele Dazeem” again.