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Articles by
Eli Grober
Eli is the author of the satirical essay collection This Won’t Help, listed on the New Yorker’s “Best Books We Read This Week.” He writes the humor newsletter Here’s Something.
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March 11, 2025“He’s Just Trolling Us,” I Say as I Pay Two Hundred Dollars for Eggs and Our Town Gets Measles for the Second Year in a Row
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February 12, 2025We’re Being Maximally Transparent. For Instance, We [REDACTED]
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January 6, 2025This Threat to Democracy Must Be Certified
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December 12, 2024Here at Time Magazine, We’ve Decided This Is Another One of Those Years We Pick a Person Who Fucking Sucks
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November 14, 2024I’m Putting Together a Team. The Worst Fucking Team of All Time
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November 8, 2024Finally, the Elites Have Been Defeated by the Billionaires
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May 31, 2024HELP PROVE I DID NOTHING WRONG BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY
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March 29, 2024Hi, I’m Jesus, and When I Get Back, I Want All the Eggs Hidden
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December 6, 2023Answering Questions at the Climate Summit After My Speech in Support of Oil World
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October 24, 2023We Must Give Equal Airtime to the Democratic Incumbent and the Guy Who Wants Everyone to Drink Their Own Piss
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September 7, 2023For Just Forty Hours a Week of Intense Work Outside Your Full-Time Job, You Too Can Make Passive Income
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June 9, 2023HELP PROVE I’M INNOCENT BY SENDING ME MONEY IMMEDIATELY
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 10, 2025As an American Jew, I Feel Completely Reassured for My Safety Now That Trump Has Targeted the Epicenter of American Antisemitism, Columbia University
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 13, 2025It’s a Shame We Have to Betray Our Allies, Starve the Poor, Halt Scientific Progress, Destroy the Environment, and Eliminate the Freedoms Enshrined in the Bill of Rights, but at Least My Investment Portfolio Is Also Tanking
Recently
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner
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March 27, 2025Scenes from the First Major League Baseball Game Featuring the New Robot Umpire, HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel