Here at Deena’s Donut Holes, we’re passionate about making our donut holes perfect for you and your family, and we’ve been listening to what you have to say.
You asked for donut holes earlier, and we extended our hours.
You asked for our donut holes to be bigger, and we added 27 percent more filling.
You asked for gluten-free donut holes, and we now have three gluten-free flavors, which we call our Defloured Tasty Holes.™
You asked if all our donut holes are made fresh and homemade. They are. Each donut hole is baked that day and meets our brand promise: “Our holes make you whole because you’re part of our hole family!”
You asked if we could name our gluten-free donut holes something other than “defloured” since that term had a weird sexual connotation. We listened, but we can’t rename them. But you don’t have to say the word; just point to the strawberry, cake, or chocolate gluten-free beauties to get your Defloured Tasty Holes.™
You asked what working at Deena’s Donut Holes is like, and we’re glad you asked. You see, Deena’s Donut Holes isn’t just a business; it’s a family. From the newest clerk to Deena herself, we love each other and our donut holes, our Defloured Tasty Holes,™ and our seasonal T’asty Holes™!
You asked if our donut holes were roughly the size of testicles, and we asked back: Did you really ask us that?
You said, yes, you had, and the word “deflowered” made you think of that. We said we spelled it completely differently.
You asked if you had just made it weird. And we said, sorta!
You asked if we could make the donut holes look like eyeballs, and we said we could.
You asked if we could make the donut holes look like eyeballs, why couldn’t we make them look like testicles? We said we never said we couldn’t and that you were making us uncomfortable.
You asked why are we so uncomfortable when we were so coy with the term “deflowered,” and also, you talk all the time with your family about balls, and since we are a hole family, why is it so weird for us? This was a hard one to answer, but we don’t think you’re really listening to us—like we listen to you, at least. And when you ask, we answer. Not about balls, though.
You asked if we could make our donut holes cheaper, and we made them ten cents cheaper.
You asked how we got to be such great listeners. We answered that we had to put the work in, you know? We’re big fans of Brené Brown and even considered making a Brené Brown-themed T’asty Hole. We’re just waiting on the right pun. “Dare to Knead Holes” is close but not quite there.
You asked what our next seasonal T’asty Holes™ will be. Well, it’s a secret, but we can’t wait to show you them.
You asked if the secret was that they were testicle holes. We said no; they are definitely not testicle holes. Not even close. Maybe open your own shop and sell all the gluten-free testicle donut holes you want.
You asked if there is a big market for gluten-free donuts, and we said you’d be delightfully surprised.
You asked if we’d review your business plan and tell you things to look out for. We said sure. We learned a lot of things the hard way, especially tax stuff, and oof—don’t even get us started on how difficult HR software is.
You asked what the market is like for gluten-free donut holes that look like balls, and we answered we have no idea.
You asked if you applied and got hired by us, could we then discuss making donut hole testicles? And we have to be honest; we’ve flagged you and will never hire you at any of our locations.