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Articles by
Ilana Gordon
Ilana Gordon is a writer and comic currently living in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter. Do not follow her in real life.
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April 15, 2022Hello, It’s Me, Elijah. Who’s the Jerk Who Drank My Cup of Wine?
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March 26, 2021The Four Questions, Modified for Another Passover in Quarantine
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June 22, 2020I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You
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May 8, 2020Your Mother Leads a Guided Meditation
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October 18, 2019Welcome to the Tenth Circle of Hell: The Dance Circle
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July 11, 2019Federal Sentencing Guidelines for Billionaires
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March 28, 2019Supervillains React to Betsy DeVos’s Proposal to Gut Funding For the Special Olympics
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March 14, 2019I Want a President I Can Drink a Beer With
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January 15, 2019It’s Time to Take Up Arms In the War Against Toxic Masculinity
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November 7, 2018Now That I’ve Finished Burning Down Your Village, It’s Time For Us to Come Together and Heal
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October 31, 2018Thank You For Participating In America’s Annual Voter Purge
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August 10, 2011Mary Poppins: A Job Review
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
Recently
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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November 1, 2024270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq
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November 1, 2024Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches
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October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner