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Articles by
Ilana Gordon
Ilana Gordon is a writer and comic currently living in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter. Do not follow her in real life.
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April 15, 2022Hello, It’s Me, Elijah. Who’s the Jerk Who Drank My Cup of Wine?
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March 26, 2021The Four Questions, Modified for Another Passover in Quarantine
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June 22, 2020I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You
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May 8, 2020Your Mother Leads a Guided Meditation
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October 18, 2019Welcome to the Tenth Circle of Hell: The Dance Circle
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July 11, 2019Federal Sentencing Guidelines for Billionaires
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March 28, 2019Supervillains React to Betsy DeVos’s Proposal to Gut Funding For the Special Olympics
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March 14, 2019I Want a President I Can Drink a Beer With
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January 15, 2019It’s Time to Take Up Arms In the War Against Toxic Masculinity
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November 7, 2018Now That I’ve Finished Burning Down Your Village, It’s Time For Us to Come Together and Heal
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October 31, 2018Thank You For Participating In America’s Annual Voter Purge
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August 10, 2011Mary Poppins: A Job Review
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
Recently
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally