The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Ilana Gordon
Ilana Gordon is a writer and comic currently living in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter. Do not follow her in real life.
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April 15, 2022Hello, It’s Me, Elijah. Who’s the Jerk Who Drank My Cup of Wine?
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March 26, 2021The Four Questions, Modified for Another Passover in Quarantine
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June 22, 2020I’m the Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood and I Have You Right Where I Want You
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May 8, 2020Your Mother Leads a Guided Meditation
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October 18, 2019Welcome to the Tenth Circle of Hell: The Dance Circle
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July 11, 2019Federal Sentencing Guidelines for Billionaires
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March 28, 2019Supervillains React to Betsy DeVos’s Proposal to Gut Funding For the Special Olympics
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March 14, 2019I Want a President I Can Drink a Beer With
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January 15, 2019It’s Time to Take Up Arms In the War Against Toxic Masculinity
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November 7, 2018Now That I’ve Finished Burning Down Your Village, It’s Time For Us to Come Together and Heal
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October 31, 2018Thank You For Participating In America’s Annual Voter Purge
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August 10, 2011Mary Poppins: A Job Review
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 31, 2025I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas
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March 31, 2025Son, I Forbid You to Join That Rowdy, No-Good Zorba the Greek Fan Club
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu