The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Keith James
Keith is a writer from San Diego. He has written for Bleacher Report and Weekly Humorist. Keith will be releasing his second novel COMMUNITY POOL through Humorist Books this summer. You can find more of his work on Beef City Bounce House.
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June 21, 2024You Really Want to Start Skateboarding in Your Midthirties? Here Are Five Picks for Relaxing Outdoor Chairs Instead
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January 4, 2022I’m HBO Max, and Oh My God, What Is It Now?
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November 29, 2021Wake Up, You are Joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe and You Need to Start Taking Steroids Right Now
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November 9, 2021I Am Godzilla, King of Monsters, and I, Too, Had a Brief Relationship with Pete Davidson
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August 25, 2021Details Regarding Timothy’s Moby-Dick-Themed Bar Mitzvah
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August 11, 2021I Used My Wife’s Vibrating Dildo to Achieve My Second Prostate Orgasm and Now I’m on a Train Going to Hogwarts
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June 2, 2021Best STEM Toys For One-Year-Olds, Also, Calm Down
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April 8, 2020I Am Ying Ying the Panda, and I Think You Know How My Quarantine Project Is Going
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January 14, 2020I Am the L.L. Bean Catalog, and I Have Chosen Pete Buttigieg as My King
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October 7, 2019I Am Godzilla, King of Monsters, and I Too Was Contacted By the Trump Administration to Investigate Hunter Biden
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September 18, 2019The Five Best US Cities for Concrete Dick Slabs
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July 31, 2019I Took the “Discover Your Patronus” Test On Pottermore and Got Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner