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Articles by
Madeline Goetz
Madeline Goetz is a researcher for Late Night & a writer for earlier in the night. She lives in New York with her collie, Oskar, in an apartment she really can’t afford.
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November 13, 2024Rules for Our Cranberry Bog
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July 24, 2024Table Options for Your Dinner Reservation
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May 23, 2024I’m Voting for Him, Not Endorsing Him—There’s a Huge Difference
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June 12, 2023Our RV Has a Kitchen, Bedroom, Bathroom, and Plenty of Space for Our Seven Children
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April 25, 2023How to Hit It Off with My College Friend You’re About to Meet at This Party
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September 21, 2022Welcome to Our Cul-De-Sac
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February 28, 2022I Don’t Speak on Behalf of Other Politicians, Which Is a Practice I Definitely Didn’t Just Make Up to Avoid Talking about Trump Praising Putin
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February 11, 2022The Totally Normal and Perfectly Legal Ways We Stored Official White House Documents
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February 4, 2022Odyssey Cruise Lines Now Offering Competitive Rate of $21 an Hour for a Ten-Year Adventure
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September 3, 2021Do Not Feed the Duck—You Will Only Enable Him
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March 5, 2021Why I’m Selling My 4-Bed, 3-Bath, 37-Moving-Bookcase Home
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
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January 9, 2025I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
Recently
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January 20, 2025Welcome Home, President Nyarlathotep
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 17, 2025It’s About Time Our Government Finally Reflects the Real America—An Airport Terminal at 10 a.m. on a Weekday