The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Tom Ellison
Tom Ellison lives in the Washington, DC area where he writes humor, arguably. You can find more of his work here.
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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January 16, 2025Brainstorming Notes of the Typical Male American Spy Novelist
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November 11, 2024Wow, Trump Has Already Fixed So Many Problems That Definitely Existed
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November 3, 2024Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen
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August 1, 2024American Versus European Out-of-Office Replies
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May 15, 2024Final Exam for the Class “What a Presidential Candidate Can and Cannot Survive, Apparently” Taught by Howard Dean
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January 9, 2024The Mainstream Media Doesn’t Want You to Know This Thing I Just Learned from the Mainstream Media
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December 11, 2023Everything a Barber Could Do During a Haircut Before I Speak Up
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November 16, 2023Nutritious Additions to Our Elementary School Lunch Menu That Are Definitely Not Just More Pizza
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September 8, 2023My Saturday Self Versus My Sunday Self
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August 14, 2023Predictive Texts for the Conflict-Averse
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July 12, 2023Airbnb Reviews of Henry David Thoreau’s Cabin
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
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March 18, 2025Senator Schumer Votes to Let the Big Wooden Horse into Troy
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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March 25, 2025The Plan to Bomb the Middle East Finally Made It Out of the Group Chat
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March 28, 2025Although I Voted for You to Be Turned into Soup, There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Friends Before You Are Liquefied
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March 28, 2025Brutally Honest Emails from Academia.edu
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March 27, 2025We Are the People Who Buy Red Delicious Apples
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March 27, 2025A Letter from Believer Editor Daniel Gumbiner