The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Zain Khalid
Zain Khalid is a writer whose work can be found here, The New Yorker, and elsewhere. He is currently writing a novel with too many working titles.
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August 4, 2017Let’s Dismantle the Utopian Community We Founded Immediately After the Election
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June 5, 2017How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Fidget Spinner
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April 25, 2017Introducing FitBigot!
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February 10, 2017The Islamic State’s Thank You Letter to the Infidel King, Donald Trump
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June 30, 2016Millennial Constitutional Amendments
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April 6, 2016I Stopped Reading Your Screenplay to Save Our Marriage
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January 27, 2016The Universally Electable Vice-Presidential Candidate
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November 3, 2015The Four Horsemen of Gentrification
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September 29, 2015On Fleek’s Eulogy for Ratchet
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August 4, 2015Why I’m Leaving ISIS for a Career in Improv Comedy
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally