10 Ideal Holiday Gifts for the Nihilist In Your Family

1. Respite from this endless slog of cheer.

2. The dissolution of festive traditions.

3. Accepting the inevitable ego-death of the Santa Claus.

4. Reprieve from the menial act of hanging Christmas lights.

5. Acceptance of the nutcracker’s futility.

6. Repose from the tree’s oppressive baubles of joy.

7. Denial of the wrapping paper’s nonsensical mirth.

8. An end to the yule log’s oppressive construct of meaning.

9. Dreams of sugarplum nothingness.

10. Apple TV.