1. Employee With a Pension
2. Guy Whose Dating Profile Height Matches His Actual Height
3. Debt-Free At Any Point In Our God-Forsaken Lives
4. Non-Ironist
5. Social Security Beneficiary
6. Guy Who Has a Beard But Doesn’t Have a Strong Opinion About Kombucha
7. Person Able to Deposit a Portion of Their Earnings In a Savings Account
8. Bernie Bro Who Hasn’t Thought About Trying Standup
9. Homeowner