Actual Answers to the Question “What or Who Is the Greatest Love of Your Life?” That Were Not, to My Surprise, “You”

Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Stupidity

Translated Thoughts and Questions That Are Running Through a North Korean Refugee’s Mind When He Is Awarded Political Asylum in the United States, Settles Down, Turns on the Television, and the First Thing He Sees Is a Fancy Feast Cat-Food Commercial

Actual Answers to Questions From a Reading Comprehension Booklet

Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them

270 Reasons: Because There Are No Rights, No Freedoms That Some Extremists Won’t Try to Take From Us

Eeyore’s Tips for Election Day Self-Care

Based on Our Election Forecast, We Are 100 Percent Sure Anything Could Fucking Happen

I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6