Set mortgage broker on fire
Set Wall Street on fire
Set White House on fire
Set self on fire
Check self into insane asylum
Please help support our writers and keep our site ad-free by becoming a patron.
The Believer Magazine
Suggested Reads
-
September 17, 2015Why I’m Leaving New York to Live in a Large Pile of Garbage That’s On Fire
-
February 13, 2008How to Cook an Impressive Dinner Using the Oven in Your New Apartment for the First Time
-
December 19, 2024I Am Whoville’s Only Home Insurance Provider, and I Am So Screwed
-
November 23, 2010Total Loss: A Column About Inventorying Other People’s Tragedies: Column 4: The Right to Bare Arms and Pretty Much Everything Else
Trending 🔥
Recently
-
December 20, 2024Great Philosophers on Santa’s Naughty and Nice Lists
-
December 20, 2024An Art Nouveau Calendar for a Terrible Fucking Year
-
December 19, 2024An Open Letter to Sarah from Love Actually, to Be Delivered In the Two Seconds Before She Answers Her Phone for the Second Time While Karl Is Tenderly Dry Humping Her
-
December 19, 2024A Producer Attempts to Pitch The Nutcracker