As a Barista, These Are the Wi-Fi Passwords I Wish My Coffee Shop Had - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

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SorryWeDontHaveWifiHere

IPromiseItsOnYourReceiptDontAskAgain

coffeealllowercasenospaces

DoYouReallyNeedTheInternetToWriteYourScreenplay

coffeewithacapitalC

PleaseDontWatchPorn

c o f f e e n o s p a c e s

IfYouWatchPornAtLeastGetACornerSeat

AreYouActuallyGoingToTakeUpThatEntireTable

AtLeastBuySomethingFirst

ThePasswordIsLiterallyOnSignsEverywhereSoMaybeJustTakeAFuckingSecond
ToLookAroundBeforeBotheringMeBecauseMyTimeIsNoLessValuableThanYours
EvenThoughImTheOneServingYouOverpricedDilutedCoffeeAtAJobIDontWant
SinceItsBeenARoughFewMonthsAndGigsHaveBeenHardToComeByButThese
ThingsComeInWavesItHappensToEveryone(AccordingToMyMomAndTherapist)
SoWhyDontYouBackOffWithYourRudeToneAndBeanieHatWhenIts90Degrees
OutsideHowAreYouNotSweatingBallsRightNowAnywaysTheWiFiPasswordIs
ColdBrewAlsoISpitInYourCoffee

cappuccino

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