FRE 102
Comment Dit-On?
Can’t do Camus? FRE 102 is an introductory course for students whose AP scores did not satisfactorily place them out of the University’s language requirement. In lieu of a systematic study of morphology and syntax, emphasis will instead be placed on prepackaged rejoinders apropos for any occasion! At a loss for substantive conversation? Ce n’est pas grave! Feeling intellectually inferior and need to assert your academic dominance over your friends and classmates? Bien sur! Want to impress your date? Learn how to converse with the barista at Au Bon Pain! Flaunting your language facilities to friends and potential lovers is sure to be a powerful aphrodisiac.
NB: This class does not satisfy major requirements but can be used to fulfill the degree requirement of MRS.
SOC 220
The Social Order of Life
This course surveys the highly structured and socially stratified culture of the East Coast. Students born outside of the tri-state area are strongly encouraged to take this course as an introduction to the institutions (competitive preschools), processes (a systematic grooming of progeny from birth or earlier), and values (location of primary residence, location of summer home, location of aforementioned competitive preschool) that have shaped the lives of the entitled elite. Throughout the semester, students will return to the seminal question underpinning the course—what lies at the nexus of shameless self-promotion and transferred parental regret?
PSY 203
Psychology of Borderline Personality
An intermediate course that builds on knowledge from PSY 103: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, students with significant others will experiment with passive aggressive techniques in order to manipulate their partners into making life long commitments. Students will learn to employ techniques of shame, peer pressure, coercion, willful misinterpretations, as well as other advanced techniques of emotional blackmail and thinly veiled threats as mechanisms for marriage proposals.
BIO 227
Princetonian Inheritance:
A Foregone Conclusion?
This course offers a comprehensive study of the organisms that populate our institution. Through a series of physiological and ethological approaches, this course will trace the evolution of the Princetonian from freshman to senior year. Topics will include examining your partner’s genome composition and structure, protein quality control, and fertilization. Material in this course will likely inspire students to develop their own methodologies in furtherance of propagating the ideal human form, and case studies will be provided for supplemental value. Students successfully inseminated by the end of the semester will be invited to attend a roundtable discussion led by special guest lecturer Sheryl Sandberg who will walk us through her systematic approach to obtaining a work-life balance in a unique symposium entitled Powering Through Your Pregnancy: Cut the Cord and Get Back to the Board!
Corequisites: BIO 177: Ivy League Eugenics
Cross-Listed Course: CLC 282 Plato’s Republic
ENG 340
Lovers’ Discourse:
Semiotics of 21st Century Literary Forms
What does he really mean when he says he “wants an open relationship?” Can we trust him as a reliable narrator? How does the text reflect the anxiety of our cultural zeitgeist? These are the questions that will guide us through an analysis of 21st century literary forms, drawing from the modern canon of texts, Tweets, Instagrams, Pinterests, Facebook relationship status updates, and more. By the end of the semester, students will possess the skills needed to unpack seemingly abstruse communications from their partners like, “I think we need to take a break” and “I’m not ready to settle down, I just accepted an analyst position at Goldman Sachs” as well as be able to deconstruct obscure emoticon imagery—what does “..|..” really signify? Contempt? Invitation? Come find out!
NB: As is customary in the English Department, students are allowed to openly discuss their feelings in response to the source material and encouraged to pursue not even remotely tangentially related discussions.
Required Texts: Jeffrey Eugenides’ The Marriage Plot.
ECN 350
Gendered Economics:
Reinforcing the Glass Ceiling
Female students who have ever wondered how not to out-earn, outpace, outsmart, or outdo their husbands lest they uncover repressed phallic anxieties and spur latent homosexual tendencies must look no further than this new upper division course presented by the Economics Department in collaboration with the Gender and Women’s Studies Department (formerly known as the Gay and Lesbian Department.) In today’s economic climate, women are at risk of receiving equal pay for equal work. Learn how to avoid the entrapments of increased wages and vertical movement within the corporate structure in order to remain desirable to the opposite sex.
STA 411
Modeling the Perfect Princetonian Couple
STA 411 is an advanced course offered in the Spring that serves as a culmination of knowledge from introductory courses. Designed specifically for seniors who have failed to find a suitable male partner in their first three years at Princeton, students will design algorithms for marriage compatibility based on complex statistical models of age, GPA, SAT, BMI, facial symmetry, and predisposition toward Sickle Cell Anemia. As a final project, students will be given the opportunity to test their models against the remaining eligible subjects. STA 411 is a requirement for all female graduating seniors who have not secured their engagements prior to Spring registration.
Prerequisites: STA 102: Where to Find the Perfect Mate: A Statistical Analysis Based on Proximity to the Lacrosse Clubhouse
NOTE: MAT 360 Logic and Reasoning will be removed indefinitely from the course catalog due to diminished student interest and insufficient alumni support.