The News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team has experience YOU can count on.

Stay INFORMED. Stay CONNECTED. With the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team’s latest resumé and cover letter.

We’re the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team, and we’re working for YOU.

We’re the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team, and we, like, actually want to work for YOU… in a non-weather capacity.

In our city, the weather can change in an instant. That’s why the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team is ALWAYS READY: ready to report, ready to act, ready to babysit, ready to change your oil, ready to declutter, ready to make some extra cash… in an instant.

The News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team’s SUV (a.k.a. “The Weather Beast”) is on the road 24-7, tracking weather events and running errands that matter to YOU and your FAMILY.

Precision, accuracy, and dependability were missing when we, the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team, went into business with a known gangster named Glassy. Now, he’s counting on us to pay him HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of DOLLARS.

In our city, the weather can change in an instant. One moment, you’re closing on a brand-new condo; the next, you’re living in the Weather Beast with five colleagues, wondering how you’re going to make some FAST CASH.

We’re tracking storms RIGHT NOW with the latest technology. For $200 cash, we’ll let YOU stick YOUR finger in the DOPPLER MAX-3.

The News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team is here to keep YOU and your family safe. We’re parked in YOUR driveway and sense that your teenager struggles with bullying. For $40,500, we can make bullies DISAPPEAR… in an instant.

Uncertainty. Unpredictability. SHAME. One moment, you’re a “Weather Team,” and suddenly, you’re making THREATS like some kind of “Weather Gang.”

Can YOU see what WE HAVE BECOME?!

The News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team used to be ranked “Number One in Accuracy.” Now, we predict with 100 percent accuracy that a guy with a glass eye will CUT OUR FINGERS OFF if we don’t pay up.

YOU can count on the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team. But soon, the News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Team won’t be able to count on their OWN HANDS?!

BE PREPARED, NOT SCARED. The News Channel 4 First Alert Weather Gang has YOUR teenager. For $100,000, we’ll make sure he’s returned to YOU before the HOLIDAY WEEKEND.