I have 39 moving boxes that I need gone.

  • Take them all, and they’re FREE.
  • Leave me with 5 or less and they’re $10.
  • Leave me with 6–10 and they’re $15.
  • Leave me with 11–15 and they’re $20.
  • Leave me with 16–20 and they’re $25.
  • Leave me with 21–25 and they’re $30.
  • Leave me with 26–30 and they’re $35.
  • Leave me with 31–35 and they’re $40.
  • Leave me with 36 or more and they’re $50.

Here’s what’s included in the full lot:

  • 2 x “Trenta” – 44×44×78 cm
  • 13 x “Venti” – 44×42×62 cm
  • 6 x “Grande” – 42×36×52 cm
  • 18 x “Tall” – 41×31×44 cm

That’s 39 boxes in total—over three cubic meters of storage space—all FREE to the right lucky person. But—and here’s the catch—I don’t want any left over. Hence the complicated pricing structure.

Frequently asked questions

Q: Why the complicated pricing structure?

A: I don’t want any boxes left over, because they are cluttering up my modest living space.

Q: Are you happy to split? I don’t want all the boxes.

A: Yes, as per the pricing structure, I am happy to split the boxes, however, the less you take, the more you pay.

Q: Why is “Tall” the smallest sized box?

A: I don’t know. Ask Starbucks.

Q: What are the box dimensions in imperial units?

A: Although it may not seem obvious, I don’t really have time to convert all the dimensions into imperial units. However, for a ballpark figure, multiply the volume in cubic centimeters by 0.0000284 for US bushels.

Q: Are the boxes empty?

A: The short answer is “Yes.” The long answer is that it really comes down to scale. Even if you decide to take the boxes into outer space, at the quantum level, a total vacuum is still permeated by fields which only tend toward a zero energy value. Those fields are subject to excitations that essentially allow particles to pop into existence more or less randomly. But hey, if you’re planning on taking one of these boxes into outer space, then why not take them all?

Q: Will you mail the boxes?

A: Yes, I am happy to mail the boxes at the buyer’s expense. However, I can’t see that being economically viable unless you can organize to fill them with something valuable, like cocaine.

Q: Can you fill the boxes with cocaine and mail them to me?

A: DM me.

Q: Why don’t you just give all the boxes away free?

A: That’s exactly what I’m trying to do. I am truly committed to helping you realize (up to) $225 in savings.

Q: Why are you acting like a tyrant?

A: I’m only trying to offer you incredible savings!

Q: Why do you have so many boxes?

A: I had to temporarily move out of my apartment while Netflix filmed a series there.

Q: You must live in a fancy apartment. Why don’t you just give the boxes away for free?

A: I am trying to give the boxes away for free. Take them all and save (up to) $225.

Q: I just want one box? How much is that?

A: As per the pricing structure, the price of one box varies depending on how many you leave me with. If you’re the first box buyer, one box will cost you $50. However, if you’re the lucky last buyer, it will be FREE.

Q: I want only a few boxes, but I don’t want to pay any money. How often will you be updating the inventory of the remaining boxes?

A: Hopefully not at all. Good luck.