1. The whole ship is going down. I mean the entire freaking ship.
2. You think to yourself, “I’m pretty sure we were assured in some paperwork somewhere that this ship was completely safe.”
3. You are sinking, and the captain is still smiling. He hands you a sticker, one of the ones you get on the discount aisle of the Dollar General. He nods, thinking this will placate you.
4. Oh, yeah. And the captain tells you how appreciated you are.
5. The captain reminds you of the standards of your job. You must play the violin with precision and grace. You have no idea how to play the violin, but the captain hands you sheet music. Oh, and don’t forget to save all of the passengers of the sinking ship.
6. You ask to get on one of the lifeboats and raucous laughter follows. “Aren’t you meant to be playing the violin or something while you sink to your death,” one passenger sneers.
7. Okay, well, no lifeboat. “Can I at least get a lifejacket?” you ask. More laughter. This time louder.
8. Some stewards are jumping ship. Others have hijacked lifeboats, and they are rowing off to safety. You are still standing there with a violin even though you have no idea how to play it.
9. When you finally sink into the water, and you feel like you are drowning you look to the captain for guidance, but he’s drowning too. So, he’s no help. But hey, he threw you a dinghy.
10. The poor children! You try to hold them above your head, but you can’t breathe or swim. You ask yourself, “Where are their parents?”
11. The rich passengers look at you and grin. “Hope you can swim,” one calls out from a lifeboat.
12. After all of this, if you survive you will receive recognition, a raise, a parade in your honor in the heart of Times Square. Or maybe you will be told to be grateful for your job, and that you should try harder to master the violin.