Hey Adam!

So this is really embarrassing, but I’m just now realizing that I never replied to that email you sent me! I also just got a LinkedIn update telling me to congratulate you on your new position as a vice president at HBO, the same company that I have been desperately trying to claw my way into for years. So, congrats!

I’m so, so sorry for the delayed response. The fall of 2014 was just such a busy time for me between moving apartments, monitoring the Kansas City Royals’ playoff run and starting a new job at Jiffy Lube, commonly referred to as the HBO of the oil change industry — so in a way, it’s like we’re coworkers now, haha! I mean, not really, but think about how cool it would be if that were actually true. Like, seriously think about it. Please.

Anyway, it’s nice to catch up with you over email, but what we should really do is meet up in person. It has been WAY too long since we’ve seen each other. In fact, I’m pretty sure the last time we hung out you were still working as a clerk at that law firm, a job and an industry that really didn’t interest me at all and made it seem like an easy decision to not invite you to my 25th birthday party and then just gradually fall out of touch.

So do you want to grab a drink sometime, or maybe coffee? Ooh, here’s an idea: maybe we could meet up at your HBO office! That would be a great place for us to rekindle our friendship and for me to drop off all the scripts I’ve recently written for Game of Thrones, Westworld and an imagined sixth season of The Wire where the citizens of Baltimore finally find an unambiguously good hero to admire, who will be played by me.

Want to plan on meeting next Tuesday at 11 am? You could show me around the office, let me know how things work around there, introduce me to Reese Witherspoon, give me a few minutes to talk to her about Big Little Lies and this movie idea I have where she plays a scientist with a rough exterior but a heart of gold, and then we could grab lunch, assuming Reese doesn’t love the scientist idea so much that she decides we need to go talk more about it right away, in which case I would unfortunately have to reschedule our lunch plans. You understand, right?

So yeah, let’s plan on next Tuesday at 11, and if that doesn’t work for you, maybe I’ll show up to your office anyway, let security know that we’re best friends and just sort of hang out until someone offers me a job. It would be kind of like how we became friends in the first place, right? I kept hanging around all of you guys and not leaving, and eventually it just became easier to make me part of the group than to confront me about how no one actually liked me that much! I guess I also got pretty lucky when you blamed Jordy instead of me for breaking up you and Evelyn even though I was the one who sabotaged your relationship by running over her dog and then telling her you did it because I was driving a stolen car.

Do you and Evelyn still talk, by the way? I haven’t seen her in forever, either!

Well, congrats again on the new job, and I’m really excited to see you soon! Especially if this guy I know who just got hired at Netflix doesn’t get back to me first!

Oh, and to answer your email’s original question: Joe’s thing started at like 8/8:30.

Best,
Derek