First, I walk into the conference room or office or wherever. I take off my glasses, make a little small talk, and then I say…

Hey, so, I know this seems kind of weird or whatever, but can we turn the lights off here in your conference room? It’s daytime, so it’s still gonna be pretty light in here, but there’s a certain feeling I’m going for, and the fluorescents are kinda stepping on it. Great, thanks, okay, here we go. So the idea I want to pitch you today is basically about a SCREEEEEEEE PWWWAHNK! “Something is out there!” BOOOSH! CHUN­CHUN­CHUN­CHUN! “Where’s Steven? What the hell is happening?” DUNT DUNT BUH BUH BUH! “It won’t be long now.” POOOOSHHH “Carol! Help!”. Darkness. We just hear a match being struck and we’re trying to figure out what the hell is going on. The match finally ignites and we can see ­­ an angry guy in a Toyota or something, like a Camry sedan or whatever, and he appears to be doing something vaguely sexual, but we can’t quite see what. You know what, actually, forget that, he’s just pensive or uncomfortable. Voice-over guy comes on: “Imagine a place where nothing is quite what it seems.” Cut to a family outing, a picnic by a lake, the sky goes gray, a huge menacing twister is moving toward them, the sky goes dark as night and WHOOSH­CRAAACK! Yep, lightning. We just see a flash of it, but the flash lights up a dead body, yep, a corpse in a meadow. And standing next to the body is, get ready for it: A pilot. Just a commercial airline pilot. Just standing there looking at the sky. Suddenly a woman’s voice, all sultry and everything, just goes, “I haven’t felt a storm like this in quite sometime.” HISSSSSSSSSSWACK! Close up on a cobra. You know the woman who just did that last soundbite? Well, she’s on a porch of some huge mansion in New Orleans, and she’s talking to a tarantula and drinking wine while thousands of venomous snakes are crawling all over the porch. She doesn’t even seem to care. She’s beautiful and she’s just staring off into the distance. Suddenly the music is speeding up CHUN DUH DADADA CHUN­CHUN BRAYYYRRRR! Silence. The voice-over guy just goes, “The storm is you. You are the storm.” We’re sitting there in the dark like, “Holy shit. This movie looks awesome. Whoever wrote it is captivating and mysterious.” Then a title dissolves up on black and it just says: Coming Soon. It dissolves out, the screen’s totally black, and we hear one guy just go, “Carol. No.” And then BOOOOOSHBUUUM! ­­ that sound effect called “Swoosh Low-Impact Long Reverb” just fades out.