Mother,
Just made it to the front. I’m on [redacted] server. It’s nice, the ping is mostly manageable and Punkbuster is keeping the cheaters out. I know you’re worried about me, but please don’t be. I finished single player on Hard with over 70% accuracy, and I’m a combat veteran of over three dozen other shooters. I’ve Ventrilloed with most of my squad mates, some of them are veterans from the first game, others are green and you can see their avatars running at walls for minutes at a time. No matter how different we all are, we will be inextricably linked by the human condition known as war.
Give my love to the cat,
James
PS: If you want to write, my screen name naturalbUrNki1la. Note the ‘1’ in ‘ki1la’, if you write ‘killa’ you get some dude in Ohio.
Mother,
Do you remember my childhood friend, Stan? The large, brutish young man who would ask for an extra plate of cookies while we were playing Starcraft over LAN? He left our team last night. He says he’s been recruited for a secret operation on server [redacted], tasked with capturing a heavily guarded flag and returning it to his base. I’m not sure if I believe him. I think he might be a deserter. Teen Trouble in the Workplace 7 leaked to the Internet the other day, and he’s probably watching that instead of playing.
Love,
James
Mother,
Had my first run in with the enemy today. The engagements were short and our side dominated. I was left with the reasonable Kill:Death ratio of 3-1 and even called in two AC-130 Gunships. The enemy is simple, often relying on cheap tactics to make up for their lack of technology (most don’t own a headset, and their ping hovers around the 350 mark) and poor weaponry. It’s hard to believe, but some were actually using the default loadout. HA! This war will be over before the 1.03 patch is released.
See you soon,
James
Dear Mother,
Sorry for not writing to you more often. We just concluded a huge psy-ops campaign named [redacted]. The campaign—while impromptu—was a complete success. By focusing on the opposing side’s low skill set, their predilection to using cheats and hacks, as well as their dubious parental heritage, we were able to lower their morale significantly. Several even quit the game. Unfortunately we also suffered a loss: two of my squad mates were banned for racial slurs. Ugly, but it had to be done. The opponent’s numbers are shrinking. We’d have them outnumbered if the damn mods would turn off auto balancing.
Hope to see you soon,
James.
Dear Mother,
It seems insane, but I have started to doubt my skills. Although we are superior in every way, the opposition is sly, and is starting to catch up to us in points. Nothing I trained for in single player helps me. Circle strafing? They’re too quick. Hiding behind cover? They can shoot through it. I try and find a place to rest for a few minutes to gather my composure but then people just call me a camper. This is becoming too much.
Your Son,
James.
Mother,
Dreamt last night that the auto balancing kicked me to the other team and I was shooting my teammates. I know I wasn’t supposed to but I just kept on firing so I could level up. Sometimes I think this war is turning me into something I don’t want to be.
If I die, I don’t want an open casket,
J.
Mother,
As much as I want to believe in the war effort, I see it falling apart before my eyes. Despite our superior technology, we are at the mercy of the elements. The netcode is often unstable, leaving us vulnerable to campers and hacks. Do you know what it’s like to see your friends gunned down where they spawn, over and over again? The developers say they’ll do something about it in the latest patch, but those promises mean nothing on the frontlines.
J.
Dear Mother.
I no longer fear death, for I have seen the server [redacted]. I have something grave to admit to you. Last night I pried the last of my strength from Fear’s cold embrace and decided to end my life. I began shooting endlessly into a group of teammates, hoping to take a couple of them before I ended my own life. Unfortunately, the server has Friendly Fire turned off, and I was met with a chorus of ‘fuck u dum nooob’. There is talk of me being kicked from the server for my behavior. I loathe saying it out loud, but I almost like the idea. Bad Company 2 is coming out in a few weeks and I want to play that instead. I can’t wait. I’ll be up soon so you can drive me to the mall to pre-order it.
Tie a ribbon around the basement door,
James.