Blood: Insurance doesn’t cover routine blood work.
Frogs: Roommate enters reptile phase.
Lice: Rescue dog comes with rescue fleas.
Flies: All first dates are hikes.
Pestilence: Weird new foot pain.
Boils: Adult acne.
Hail: Hail in May, followed by intense bouts of climate anxiety.
Locusts: Hordes of TikTok teens film dances in your living room.
Darkness: That TV show you love is only streaming on Paramount+ now.
Killing of the firstborn: Mom spends this year’s Seder asking when you’re going to have kids even though you don’t have a house or health insurance and your rescue dog has fleas and veterinarians are expensive and is that a new zit on your face? Dayenu!