Blood: Insurance doesn’t cover routine blood work.


Frogs: Roommate enters reptile phase.


Lice: Rescue dog comes with rescue fleas.


Flies: All first dates are hikes.


Pestilence: Weird new foot pain.


Boils: Adult acne.


Hail: Hail in May, followed by intense bouts of climate anxiety.


Locusts: Hordes of TikTok teens film dances in your living room.


Darkness: That TV show you love is only streaming on Paramount+ now.

Killing of the firstborn: Mom spends this year’s Seder asking when you’re going to have kids even though you don’t have a house or health insurance and your rescue dog has fleas and veterinarians are expensive and is that a new zit on your face? Dayenu!