[See the first list of things a man must do before 30 here.]
Serenade a sleeping bobcat with a wicked bluegrass fiddle
Ball your groovy chick with Foreigner’s “Hot Blooded” on extended repeat
Insist on holding the first-ever Passover Seder inside a Riker Island’s holding cell
Finally introduce yourself to that conjoined twin facing backwards
Reenact the sewer escape from Shawshank Redemption, this time out of your office building
Take up clock building to impress a beautiful young lady
Pass yourself off as the “lost” Baldwin Brother
Nickname your genitals after FoxNews great Steve Doocy
Swim with the dolphins. And then eat them.
End a job interview with the words “no condom, no yum-yum”
Crawl inside a pizza oven to retrieve your lucky boots
Fall in love with a wombat
Lay quietly, barely breathing, beneath a beached catamaran as Sting and Trudie Styler share intimacies above you
Eat sushi off a nude Fran Lebowitz
Run for city council on the Afghan/Pakistan border
Spray paint the lyrics to Stevie Nicks’ “Leather and Lace” against the South Wall of the White House
Receive a “clothing optional” root canal
Ride a rented elephant through the streets of your hometown, proving, once and for all, that they were wrong
Lose a finger to a loan shark named “Briarpatch”