Apple and text each other from different rooms
Starbucks and feel faux fancy
McDonald’s and shame spiral
Google and diagnose each other
Capitol One and say the tagline as an inside joke and hate yourself
Volkswagen and pretend you’re something you’re not
MasterCard and vacation
Dollar General and post-vacation
Bed Bath & Beyond and argue
Home Depot and argue
IKEA and nuclear-level argue
NPR and calm blue ocean
Soul Cycle and jointly experience what death might be like
Facebook and lie so much
Instagram and lie so, so much
Twitter and not understand things really
Target and home equity loan
Canon and say things like “Remember cameras?"
Disney and birth control
Chuck E. Cheese and birth control
Internet and birth control
Dodge Charger and midlife crisis
Walmart and wonder how this became your life
Amazon and kill your local bookseller with just your two typing fingers
Netflix and weekend plans
Netflix and all the plans
Netflix and literally chill