I am your ideal man
I am one hundred feet tall
and I weigh
as much as
a collapsing star.
I only eat krill
and only in
four-digit integers.
I own
a sizable collection of
semi-depleted uranium and I spend my free time screaming
at
the
sun.
I am descended from
a long line
of Vikings
that are wanted
for historical war crimes. I cannot read.
If you try to teach me how to read
I WILL
bite you.
Interested parties
may contact me
by email.