#2 GRANDPA
I FAILED TO SURVIVE SMOKIN’ JOE’S FIVE-ALARM CHILI PIT
ASK ME ABOUT NUDISM
MY MOM ATTENDED THE MECHANICSBURG, PA, QUILT FAIR AND WAS THOUGHTFUL ENOUGH TO BUY ME THIS SOUVENIR, WHICH I CHERISH
I’M WITH THAT GUY TO MY LEFT… NO, SORRY, ONE MORE OVER … YEAH, THAT’S HIM
TIME MAGAZINE: MAN OF THE YEAR FEATURING NOVELTY-SHIRT-BOOTH EMPLOYEE