The Mile High On-Time Club
[Interior scene of a young BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND sitting intimately close together on a living room sofa.]
BOYFRIEND: Baby, so, uh… I’ve been meaning to ask you something.
GIRLFRIEND: What is it? You know you can ask me anything.
BOYFRIEND: OK. Well, [starts caressing her leg] I feel a bit shy asking this, but… it’s about our flight tomorrow. I’m worried about getting to the airport early enough.
GIRLFRIEND: Ahh, because what if the security line is long, right?
BOYFRIEND: Yeah.
GIRLFRIEND: And, like, what if we accidentally go to the wrong airport… oh god, then what?
BOYFRIEND: Yes, yes exactly. We’ll totally miss our flight!
GIRLFRIEND: Should we just go to the airport now and sleep at the gate overnight?
BOYFRIEND: Mmm…
[They get up from the sofa and wheel their luggage out the front door holding hands.]
- END -
Doctor’s Visit
[A young woman (the PATIENT) walks into the reception area of a doctor’s office. Female RECEPTIONIST in a tight leather vest and skirt and stiletto heels rises rises from her desk to greet the woman.]
PATIENT: Hello, I have an 11:30 appointment.
RECEPTIONIST [looks at watch, frowning]: Hmmm.
PATIENT: I’m sorry, is… there a problem?
RECEPTIONIST: You’re almost an hour late [pulls a riding crop out from a drawer and begins tapping it on her palm]. Has somebody been a bad, bad girl?
PATIENT: Excuse me, I think there’s a mistake. Daylight saving time was this weekend. Did you adjust your clocks? I’m actually five minutes early.
RECEPTIONIST [checking phone]: Oh wow, you’re absolutely right. Forgive me. Well, now, we won’t be needing this [tucks riding crop back in drawer]… right this way please!
[PATIENT hangs up jacket and follows RECEPTIONIST.]
- END -
Time to Party
[Interior scene of several women lounging in pajamas on sofas. There’s a knock on the door and a MAN enters tentatively, looking sheepish.]
MAN: Um, hi, I’m meeting some friends here for a party, but, uh [looks around]… I can just come back later if I’m too early.
[One of the pajama-clad women rises from a loveseat and walks toward him at the door.]
WOMAN: Oh heyyy, no it’s fine, why don’t you take off your jacket?
MAN: Oh god, I guess I’m the first one here. So lame. The invite said 9:00 and it’s 9:00 and even when I try to be fashionably late I’m just not capable. I hate myself so much right now.
WOMAN: Well, I guess it’s lucky for you then that we kept the theme of the party a secret until now…
MAN: How so?
WOMAN [twirling hair and tilting head suggestively]: Tonight is a “Let’s Reward Those Who Value and Respect Our Time With Punctuality” party, and it looks like you’re the only one here, baby…
[She closes and bolts the door and the rest of the women begin disrobing and set a massive bowl of cocaine on the coffee table.]
- END -
The Job Interview
[Job interview CANDIDATE in an awkward dress-suit and briefcase knocks on open office door. The hiring MANAGER, a woman, very professionally dressed, is already there to welcome him.]
MANAGER: Ah, I see you’ve made it! Precisely at the stroke of 10:00… not a moment later, but also, importantly, not early either, which would have upset my schedule just as much.
CANDIDATE [shyly avoiding eye contact]: Well, thank you. I take being on time very seriously.
MANAGER: You know… there’s no way you could’ve known this before the interview, but extreme promptness is the sole criteria for getting this job.
[Cut to close up of CANDIDATE’s face, flush with nervous excitement.]
MANAGER: And here you are.
CANDIDATE [stammering]: I… I’m just happy to—
MANAGER [shouting toward an assistant seated just outside]: Caroline! Cancel all of the other interviews!
[She hands him a piece of paper with JOB OFFER in large type at the top.]
- END -