1. Is this relationship worthy of my time?
2. Would my mother approve?
3. I’ve seen a tutorial vid on YouTube. How is this way more difficult than I ever imagined?
4. I guess it’s harder in real life?
5. Except, why is it now so soft?
6. Should I do a lil’ sexy dance to help?
7. Should I throw a come-hither look?
8. Perhaps a promiscuous pout?
9. What is going on over there?
10. Is it on the wrong side? It is absolutely on the wrong side.
11. Where is Martha Stewart when you need her?
12. How did it work last time?
13. Did it work last time?!
14. Will it fit? Yeaaaa, I don’t think it will fit.
15. There is too much material. Should we go down a size?
16. Yikes. What’s that smell? Is that… lemon?
17. Why is it so wrinkly?
18. Do these things come with instructional manuals? They really should come with instruction manuals.
19. Just throw it away. Redo?
20. It’s too strained! Too tight! What if it rips?
21. Nope, no, no, nooooo… NO?!
22. WHAT WOULD MARTHA DO!?!
23. Give it a moment. Maybe it needs to breathe a little?
24. Will I regret this in the morning? I’m definitely going to regret this in the morning.
Fitted sheet: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24
Condom: 13