New year, new Trump. Just kidding, it’s the same batty old fool who divides his time between Fox & Friends and the golf course. If you were hoping the writers would take the opportunity of a new year to get back to the fundamentals of good television, prepare to be disappointed. This episode was largely dominated by Trump’s demented and bumbling potty mouth. My apologies in advance for repeating this language in such a respectable publication, but hey, I’m just following the lead of the show’s illustrious writers.
Shithole Countries
In a meeting with congressional leaders about immigration reform, Trump asked, “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” and suggested the U.S. welcome more immigrants from countries like Norway. It was a blatantly racist remark that seemed built for shock value. Perhaps the writers are just enjoying their newfound freedom to use curse words on primetime television. Though to be honest, “shithole countries” is not even a very good insult for a show that brought us the moment when Josh called CJ a “paranoid Berkeley shiksa feminista” and she called him an “elitist, Harvard, fascist, missed-the-dean’s-list-two-semesters-in-a-row Yankee jackass.” As with the rest of Trump’s dialogue, the writers seem to be working from an ever smaller and less creative bank of words. Has the network begun charging by the letter? Have the writers lost their minds or just gotten extremely lazy? As Trump would say: bad, not good, NO.
The Fire and Fury Shitstorm
A journalist named Michael Wolff wrote a juicy and extremely unflattering tell-all book about the Trump campaign and White House, and Trump reacted by sending the publisher a cease-and-desist order. The story was reminiscent of a season three episode where Sam obsessed over refuting a tell-all book written by a former White House photographer. Though in that case, President Bartlet wasn’t too concerned about the book, which contained such gems as referring to Toby as a “prickly, mumbling Communications Director” and also something about the President’s underwear. (Meanwhile, Wolff’s book revealed that Trump can hardly read and repeats himself in conversation like Dustin Hoffman’s character in Rain Man minus the aptitude for math.) Sam brought his concerns about the book to Bartlet, telling him, “I don’t think it’s such a good idea to be casual about the truth.” Though the contents of this book may be true, that’s a message this President could stand to hear.
Hawaii Five-Oh Shit
Residents of Hawaii received an emergency alert warning them of an impending ballistic missile attack, which turned out to be a false alarm. Meanwhile, Trump was golfing and didn’t see the need to reassure Hawaiians, despite the fact that their fear was likely worsened by his constant phallic brinkmanship with North Korea. Should a missile head for the White House, I think we can be sure that Trump will have no qualms about bidding his friends goodbye for the sake of saving himself. There will be no Josh-esque internal debate about who gets to go to the bunker and why, and whether that’s fair. Trump will wave goodbye to John Kelly and Rex Tillerson and Sarah Huckabee Sanders without a second thought. The show has taken such an absurd turn that the last walk-and-talk shot will be of a lonely Trump asking the Secret Service if he can squeeze in a round of golf before the nuclear holocaust.
What’s the next government-induced panic that Trump will ignore from the golf course? Is there enough social security money in the Treasury to support all of the retiring GOP congressmen? And hey, what’s Bob Mueller’s new year’s resolution? Let’s hope it’s something bigger than getting to the gym. Stay tuned next week to find out.