Sensations I Would Have Gladly Endured for a Full Thirty Minutes in Lieu of the Eight Months of Constant Discomfort Resulting from a Pinched Sciatic Nerve (the Longest Nerve in the Body)

Pinky toe caught in spokes of bicycle wheel.

Scorpions fighting in back of throat.

Face-first plunge into porcupine ménage à trois.

Teeth shot out with pellet gun.

Infant piranhas suckling at man-teat.

Eyelashes slammed in car door.

Totally Tesh Saturdays at Karaoke Bob’s.