Hail Hillary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, especially the nasty ones.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; but please help me identify some faithless electors before December 19 who might change the outcome of this election.
Lord, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and also please remind He Whose Must Not Be Named (But is the Color Orange), that the Bill of Rights guarantees the right to protest — even in front of the architectural disaster he calls home. He doesn’t seem to get that.
Give us this day our daily bread, for the eating of carbs I have been doing in misery and despair for the last week, and avocado toast is not making this pain go away.
Forgive us our debts, and maybe as a silver lining, explain how we can use them to generate a massive multi-year tax write-off because not paying taxes for the next four years shall make me smart.
Lord, be my shepherd. I shall need you as my guide: I think a big wall is about to go up that might mess with my GPS.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff — they comfort me. Law and order, and all that. But really Rudy Giuliani as the Attorney General? That’s beyond the pale. Please do something about that.
Heavenly Father, lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, even though on Election Day, I’m pretty sure we passed the rubicon into the evil zone.
Now I lay me down to sleep, because it has been a long, freaking week, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Before I wake up, could you come to me in a dream and explain how to get health coverage when they take away the ACA for me and 20 million people?
Finally, Lord, please hear my special prayer for the protection of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, that she may live until 121, and send unto her this gift card for a lifetime supply of fresh pressed juice so that she may remain vital every day.
AMEN.