1. “You don’t understand — I know you don’t choose to whom you are attracted, but you are being close-minded by only dating men. Are you sure you’re heterosexual?"

2. “You don’t understand — I’m not like the other white people with whom I work. I have picked up a little Spanish so I can help the Brazilian workers… They speak Portuguese in Brazil? I don’t think that’s right. Remember, you forget things a lot.”

3. “You don’t understand — my upbringing [as the only child of well-to-do parents in a wealthy suburb of Boston] was equivalent to your experience [being one of six pastor’s children in a small town in North Carolina]. I mean, having so many food allergies made my childhood really tough.”

4. “You don’t understand — some of the humor in my favorite TV show seems problematic, but it’s just ironic.”

5. “You don’t understand — I would like to be more involved in [social movement], but I see myself as an organizer, and I don’t have time for that right now. I wish you were more socially active. Honestly, my retweeting articles about social justice is a much more effective tool for change than your attending marches and protests."

6. “You don’t understand — I know that I only interacted with the staff at the resort where we stayed, but I feel like I made a deep connection with the [persecuted people group in Southeast Asian country] while I was in their country.”

7. “You don’t understand — the feelings that you have when you are on your period aren’t really valid.”

8. “You don’t understand — I have been there. Even though it wasn’t technically cutting, I used to hold a knife against my skin so hard that it left an indentation. I know you usually end up in the emergency room when you cut, but they are both forms of self-harm. Basically, they’re the same thing, if you think about it.”

9. “You don’t understand — I don’t believe in binary politics, but it’s not possible that your parents are conservative AND read the Atlantic. Why would anyone read things they disagree with?”

10. “You don’t understand — I really think I know what it feels like to be a woman.”