Customer Support Call Log #3957
TECHNICIAN: “Thank you for calling Mamet’s Appliance Center, today. The fuck you want?”
CUSTOMER: “My dishwasher is broken. Everything is… everything is…”
TECHNICIAN: “Dirty.”
CUSTOMER: “No, no. More like. . .”
TECHNICIAN:“ “Unclean.”
CUSTOMER: “Not exactly.”
TECHNICIAN: “Fucked.”
CUSTOMER: “Yes. Fucked.”
TECHNICIAN: “Let me repeat that back. ‘The dishwasher is fucked,’ is that correct, sir?”
CUSTOMER: “Yeah.”
[Pause]
CUSTOMER: “Sir, are you still the fuck there?”
TECHNICIAN: “Yes. I’m… So whadda we do?”
CUSTOMER: “We fix it.”
TECHNICIAN: “The dishwasher?”
CUSTOMER: “Yeah, the dishwasher. The fuck you think?”
TECHNICIAN: “How do I fix it?”
CUSTOMER: “You’re asking me?”
TECHNICIAN: “I’m asking you, how do I fix it?”
CUSTOMER: “How do I fix it?”
TECHNICIAN: “Yeah. How. Do. I. Fix. It?”
CUSTOMER: “Why you gotta be like that?”
TECHNICIAN: “Like what?”
CUSTOMER: “Nevermind.”
TECHNICIAN: “Is it making a funny noise?”
CUSTOMER: “Funny is subjective.”
TECHNICIAN: “Is there power?”
CUSTOMER: “Yes, I think so.”
TECHNICIAN: “Is it leaking?”
CUSTOMER: “Well, there’s a puddle of water underneath.”
TECHNICIAN: “Fuck. That’s bad. Really fucking bad.”
CUSTOMER: “I know. What do I do?”
TECHNICIAN: “We’re not panicking. That’s what we’re not doing. Murray panicked. ’85 thereabouts.”
CUSTOMER: “Fuckin’ Murray. In ’85.”
TECHNICIAN: “Fuckin’ Murray.”
[Pause]
CUSTOMER: “So what do I do?”
TECHNICIAN: “You’re asking me?”
CUSTOMER: “I’m asking you, Whadda I do?”
TECHNICIAN: “I don’t know. Shit. This is bad. Really fucking bad…”
CUSTOMER: “You’re telling me.”
TECHNICIAN: “I’m telling you.”
CUSTOMER: “What do I do?”
TECHNICIAN: “Call the guy.”
CUSTOMER: “The guy?”
TECHNICIAN: “The fixer guy.”
CUSTOMER: “I thought you were the fixer guy.”
TECHNICIAN: “The fuck? No the other… please hold, sir… [sounds of a weeping woman in the background, then frantic whispering] You still the fuck there?”
CUSTOMER: “Yeah.”
TECHNICIAN: “I’ll send the guy out. Day after tomorrow.”
CUSTOMER: “You’re sending the guy?”
TECHNICIAN: “What I say?”
CUSTOMER: “You’re sending the guy.”
TECHNICIAN: “I’m sending the fucking guy, for fuck’s sake.”
CUSTOMER: “Sorry. I didn’t mean…”
TECHNICIAN: “You didn’t mean. You didn’t mean. Fuck.”
CUSTOMER: “Don’t be like that.”
TECHNICIAN: “Sure, sure, it’s okay. Is there anything else I can help you with, today?”
CUSTOMER: “No, that’s it.”
TECHNICIAN: “Thank you for calling Mamet’s Appliance Center. Have a nice fucking day.”