Relaxing on your backyard patio to watch the sunset
“Summer Breeze,” Seals & Crofts

Warily waving to your weird neighbor Todd who’s looking at you over the fence
“I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do),” Hall & Oates

Sharing a glass of rosé with your weird neighbor Todd who has now invited himself over to your backyard patio
“I’d Really Like to See You Tonight,” England Dan & John Ford Coley

Listening to your weird neighbor Todd’s stories about his disc golf league, wondering where you can find another human right now
“Just the Two of Us,” Grover Washington Jr.

Slamming another glass of rosé after your weird neighbor Todd tells you he is a Fruitarian
“I’m Not In Love,” 10cc

Drinking heavily, then realizing that your weird neighbor Todd is actually attractive in a not-attractive-in-any-fucking-way-at-all way
“So Into You,” Atlanta Rhythm Section

Sitting in the passenger seat of your weird neighbor Todd’s Kia Soul, cruising through town, no destination in mind
“Ride Like the Wind,” Christopher Cross

Realizing you’re walking into the lounge at the local Holiday Inn with your weird neighbor Todd
“I Just Wanna Stop,” Gino Vanelli

Drinking straight rum and playing bar trivia with your weird neighbor Todd in the lounge at the local Holiday Inn
“Sharing the Night Together,” Dr. Hook

Feeling your weird neighbor Todd put his hand on your knee and squeeze with intention
“What a Fool Believes,” The Doobie Brothers

Telling your weird neighbor Todd that you’re far too old for him romantically and also, you don’t like fruit all that much
“Hey 19,” Steely Dan

Realizing your weird neighbor Todd just blew your team’s lead in bar trivia by answering the question, “Who was Bea Arthur’s character in The Golden Girls?” with “Solange”
“Angry Eyes,” Loggins & Messina

“THERE WAS NO CHARACTER IN THE GOLDEN GIRLS NAMED ‘SOLANGE,’ TODD”
“Couldn’t Get It Right,” Climax Blues Band

Storming away after your weird neighbor Todd offers up an apology via an order of local Holiday Inn lounge mozzarella sticks
“Hard to Say I’m Sorry,” Chicago

Riding home alone in an Uber, mulling over your life choices
“All Out of Love,” Air Supply
“Into the Night,” Benny Mardones
“Cannonball Run Theme,” Chuck Mangione
“Sweet Freedom,” Michael McDonald (tie)

Alone in bed with your laptop, booking a trip as far away as possible from the local Holiday Inn lounge and your weird neighbor Todd
“Africa,” Toto