Congratulations, ladies. You’ve been chosen to join an elite circle of women who embody the essence of Athleisure and all it represents. We are a diverse group of runway models, swimwear models, singer/songwriters, actresses, and Instagram models here to bridge the gap between the worlds of wellness and decadent inactivity, preferably in front of a millennial pink background.
As we all know, Athleisure is more than just a fashion trend. Some people have reduced our movement to wearing yoga pants all day, but picking up your cat’s diabetes medicine in a pair of Lululemons does not Athleisure make. To us — the naturally thin and dewy skinned — it’s a way of life. We proudly put on the Athleisure uniform to let the world know we have a great Saturday ahead of us, even though it’s technically Tuesday. To prove once and for all that every day can feel like summer vacation if you let it and are also gorgeous.
Will the afternoon include an aura reading, a puppy swap, an infrared sauna session or a late brupper? It’s hard to be sure, but with Athleisure, at least we know we’re always prepared for whatever comes our way. And nothing says functional versatility like a pleather visor with an eggplant embroidered on it, paired with a mesh tunic and rechargeable sneakers. Oh and by the way, ‘brupper’ is short for brunch-supper, which is basically the new brunch. More on that later.
Of course Athleisure isn’t meant for everyone, but it does have the power to set the dress code in certain situations. Do not be surprised if everyone around you begins to second guess their clothing choices once you show up. One of our members recently wore a latex poncho and an inflatable fanny pack to a wedding, and the bride came over to apologize for being so overdressed. Sweet girl.
As you begin this exciting journey with us, we do want to lay down a few ground rules that even our most experienced members need to be reminded of from time to time. As Gigi Hadid once said on the red carpet: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
- You should be holding or in close proximity to a healthy, portable beverage with a straw in it at all times — pressed juice, iced matcha, coconut water or nitro coffee are all acceptable options. Hydration is key to health and drinking things looks incredibly sexy.
- Sweating in Athleisure is highly discouraged but ethereal glowing is more than welcome.
- Text-based apparel should be limited to two-word phrases that reflect vague but important concepts like ‘matriarchy’ or ‘cheese fries.’
- Smoking while wearing Athleisure is strictly prohibited. That’s what pajamas are for.
- When taking photos, we suggest only being photographed with other association members. It helps promote… aesthetic continuity. (Note: Exceptions may be granted for friends who are over 5’8’’ with enviable bone structure.)
- Photoshoot environments should be considered as carefully as outfits themselves. Exposed brick, hotel rooftops and neon signs are recommended for newcomers. After a year with us, you are free to move on to more complex settings such as nursing homes and piles of dirt.
Please now join us downstairs for a cocktail party, where we will be serving Prosecco ice cubes and wasabi-flavored seaweed, neither of which are meant for consumption.