Wells Fargo is Pleased to Announce Its Brand New Reputation

To Our Valued Wells Fargo Customers,

We’re excited to let you know about some changes we’ve recently made at Wells Fargo. Yesterday, we rolled out our brand new reputation, which is now synonymous with the service and integrity you’ve come to expect from us over the last ten weeks. We know you will share in our satisfaction as Wells Fargo is perceived in a better light both here and abroad.

Upgrades to our reputation include:

— Increased mentions of Wells Fargo on Twitter and Facebook with positive words like “good,” “honest,” and “honest-to-goodness,” by social media accounts that definitely belong to real Wells Fargo customers

— A renewed focus on our core values of customer service and staying out of the news

— More promotional items. Come to any branch for a free tee or hat. Unlike accounts, limit is one per customer

— A 60% reduction in scandals (projected)

— Expanded security question options, including paternal AND maternal grandmothers’ names

As the year comes to a close, we feel it’s important to take the time to reflect. We’ve learned a lot this past year. For example, we learned that Elizabeth Warren can be pretty mean. But after almost three months of having our corporate wrists slapped, it’s time to put the past behind us, and we encourage our customers and Elizabeth Warren to do the same. To quote Shakespeare, “What’s done, is done.” To translate, that means let’s leave our years of mistakes in Q4 2016 where they belong and make this a great Q1 2017 for everyone.

The New Year is a time to embrace change, but also to reflect on what stays the same. With that in mind, you can rest assured that neither these nor any future changes will ever cause our senior management to be held accountable for their actions. We’ll always remain too big to fail. That’s our promise to you.

Happy New Year,
Wells Fargo

PLEASE NOTE: Our new reputation is effective immediately. To avoid any confusion, we request that existing customers and the general public please refrain from any use or mention of the old reputation. Thank you.