Rugrats: You have no idea how “hors d’œuvres’’ is pronounced.
Doug: You have been caught shoplifting from a J. Crew.
Space Ghost Coast to Coast: You have listed Space Ghost Coast to Coast as an interest in your dating profile.
Hey Arnold!: You recently purchased a jazz cassette from a coffee shop even though you don’t own a cassette player.
Animaniacs: You once stared at a banana and wept for its beauty.
Captain Planet: You have instigated a helicopter rescue after getting lost in the Grand Canyon parking lot.
Aaahh!!! Real Monsters: You orgasm while reading Tom Wolfe.
Pepper Ann:Your Jill Stein T-shirt is now a cleaning rag.
Rocko’s Modern Life: You abandoned your MFA track to pursue your life-long dream of becoming a washing machine repair technician.
Tiny Toon Adventures: You have snorted cocaine off a Saving Private Ryan Blu-ray cover.
The Angry Beavers: You have snorted powdered sugar off a Plan 9 From Outer Space Blu-ray cover.
CatDog: You enjoy ketchup on macaroni and cheese.
Pokemon: You didn’t finish college because you kept flunking Spanish 4, but you are fluent in “meme speak” and that will lead you to an amazing career someday, you’re just not sure how.
The Magic School Bus: You somehow attended the wrong high school reunion.
The Powerpuff Girls: You have thrown a divorce party for a friend.
Ren and Stimpy: You have thrown a divorce party for yourself.
Ed, Edd n’ Eddy: You have caused a divorce.
Johnny Bravo: You only think you have caused a divorce.
Spongebob Squarepants: You are not allowed within 100 feet of a Petsmart.
Dexter’s Lab: You are still very upset that Flintstones vitamins changed their recipe because they don’t taste as good as they used to.
2 Stupid Dogs: You are single-handedly keeping Eddie Bauer afloat.
Courage the Cowardly Dog: You once almost suffocated after getting your entire face stuck in a Push-up popsicle.
The Wild Thornberrys: You once got your entire forearm stuck in a granola dispenser at Whole Foods.
Beetlejuice: Your favorite food is salad because you’re a bit of a masochist.
Daria: Your barista knows your name but writes it incorrectly every day on purpose.
King of the Hill: You think Macedonia is a type of fruit.
Beavis and Butthead: You’re one of the “nice guys.”
South Park: You grew up in a comfortable, middle-class neighborhood and have never forgiven your parents for it.
The Simpsons: You grew up in a comfortable, middle-class neighborhood and your parents have never forgiven you for it.
Sailor Moon: You still mix vodka with Capri Sun.
The Critic: You have booked a party for one at Dave & Buster’s.
Recess: You have passed out in the bathroom of a Dave & Buster’s.
Bobby’s World: You have passed out in the bathroom of a Chuck E Cheese’s.
The Tick: You were once ejected from a Less Than Jake show for trying to touch the bass player.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: You still think “All Star” by Smash Mouth is ironically funny.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Your hemp poncho smells like patchouli and everything you own is covered in Mastiff hair. Also, you have not flushed your toilet in four days.
Batman: The Animated Series: You brought a single box of the cheapest crackers you could pass as acceptable to your last company potluck but you ate more than everyone else combined.
Pinky and the Brain: You live in an unfurnished studio and all of your assets are in the form of cryptocurrency.
Rocket Power: You once injured yourself after dumping spaghetti onto a Slip ’N Slide.
Kablam!: You made an experimental film from snippets of the Budweiser Frogs commercial as your art school thesis.
Darkwing Duck: You had a nightmare about Jon Lovitz once and cannot forget his face.
Inspector Gadget: Jon Lovitz had a nightmare about you.
TaleSpin: You are now 54 years old and your kids never liked this show.
Arthur: You have the body of one or more relatives decaying in your basement.