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Articles by
Christian Lynch
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July 22, 2019The 2020 Democratic Presidential Candidates Easily Explained Through the 1998 Vampire Action Movie, Blade
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January 26, 2012New Hire Form Letter For the Modern American Worker
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September 28, 2011Aging Action Star Loses His Edge
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January 24, 2011How Many Times Must I Blink “I’m Sorry”?
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June 15, 2010Mrs. Yates’ 3rd Grade Class Receives a New Message from Space
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April 23, 2010An Apology from the Maker of Fun ’N Easy Edible Frozen Pizza Treats
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March 1, 2010Coffee Bean Comment Cards as Written by a Recently Laid-Off Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien Staffer
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally