ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Holly Theisen-Jones
Holly is a writer, counselor, and nature enthusiast based in Atlanta, Georgia. Her book, “The Green Dumb Guide to Houseplants”: https://lnk.to/greendumbguide, is available soon from Chronicle Books.
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September 5, 2023Sleep Tips for New Parents from the Sleep Paralysis Demon
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May 16, 2023The Pros and Cons of Diets I Have Tried
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April 20, 2023Are You Pregnant or Just High?
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March 16, 2023I Misplaced My Phone for Forty-Five Minutes, and Now I’m a Mindfulness Expert
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February 18, 2020What Your Dog’s Breed Says About You, Part 2
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January 30, 2018When Life Gives You Lemons
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December 19, 2017Formerly Forbidden Christmas Dinner Conversation Topics I Now Welcome in 2017
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September 5, 2017Whine and Cheese Pairings
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August 17, 2017I Regret Decluttering My Home So Shortly Before the Zombie Apocalypse
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June 20, 2017Wellness Blog Homepage Mad Libs
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May 1, 2017What Your Dog’s Breed Says About You
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March 27, 2017My Fully Optimized Life Allows Me Ample Time to Optimize Yours
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October 15, 2024I’m an Undecided Hobbit, Torn Between a Dark Lord Who Promises an Age of Chaos and an Elf Queen Whom I Just Wish I Knew More About
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September 20, 2024It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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August 19, 2024Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalog of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: The Complete Listing: Atrocities 1–1,056
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October 28, 2024The Starfleet Gazette Will Not Be Endorsing a Candidate for President of the United Federation of Planets
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November 1, 2024I Will Be Away from My Desk on November 6
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November 1, 2024270 Reasons: Because on January 6, I Was More Afraid Working at the Capitol Than During My Entire Army Deployment to Iraq
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November 1, 2024Template for Donald Trump’s “I Don’t Accept the Election Results” Speeches
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October 31, 2024This Election Wouldn’t Be So Close If My Historically Unpopular Opponent Wasn’t Such a Shrewd Campaigner