A trolley is about to run over five people, but your dad gets distracted by a nearby sports bar playing The Shawshank Redemption on one of their outdoor TVs. He just stands there watching the movie. Everyone dies.

- - -

When presented with the Trolley Problem, Dad uses the opportunity to rail against Waze, saying he knows better and GPS apps are making this generation dumb and useless, despite the trolley being on track.

- - -

After you explain the situation to him, your father approaches the conductor and begins asking questions about what kind of engine he’s got in this thing.

- - -

Dad attempts to parallel park the trolley. He has to choose between using the convenient rearview camera or twisting his neck back to look.

- - -

You present the classic Trolley Problem to your father. His first question concerns the ethnicities of everyone tied to the tracks. When you ask why it matters, he says, “Just curious!”

- - -

A runaway trolley is speeding towards a railway switch. No people are on the track, but if your dad doesn’t pull the lever, he will be mildly disappointed because dads love to pull levers.

- - -

Dad is given both options of the Trolley Problem. But as he begins to think it over, he keeps saying, “This is exactly like the Kobayashi Maru!” He then spends so much time explaining how Captain Kirk cheated to win the scenario that he never pulls the lever.

- - -

You’re on a trolley speeding towards a railway switch. Your father must decide whether to let the train hit the people on the track or switch to the alternate track with only one person on it. He responds, “Go ask your mother.”