The Believer Magazine
Articles by
Mike Langley
Mike Langley is a writer and a middle school English teacher in Brooklyn, NY. He is a Features Contributor at The Onion, and writes a weekly humor newsletter, The Libel.
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August 7, 2024Animal Farewells for the Sixth Extinction
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June 3, 2024We’re Having a Get-Together. Could You Bring Your Massive, Poorly Trained Dog?
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May 20, 2024So Sorry! Just Seeing Your Ransom Note Now
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March 20, 2024I Am the New York Times’ Paywall, and If I Let Any Non-Subscribers in, They’ll Kill My Family
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October 4, 2023Well, I May Have Debased Myself to Become Speaker of the House, but At Least I Didn’t Accomplish Anything
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September 5, 2023Our Self-Driving Cars Will Save Countless Lives, But They Will Kill Some of You First
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May 15, 2023I Will Defend Free Speech to the Death. Or Until an Autocrat Asks Me to Stop
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March 10, 2023The NYPD’s Right-of-Way Regulations for Bike Lanes
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October 31, 2022If Elected, I Promise to Murder You
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January 14, 2021Asking Me to Stop Beating You with This Sock Full of Quarters Will Only Further Divide Our Nation
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January 15, 2025A Marriage Proposal Spoken Entirely in Office Jargon
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January 8, 2025Did You Even Consider Every Possible Lived Experience Before Recklessly Posting Your Chili Recipe on Social Media?
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January 15, 2025Signs You Are a Gen-Xer Who’s About to Turn Sixty
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January 9, 2025I Will Pay Any Amount to Not Pay My Taxes
Recently
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January 20, 2025Welcome Home, President Nyarlathotep
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January 17, 2025Who Said It: Donald Trump or Martin Luther King Jr.?
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January 17, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: An Interview with Annie Leibovitz
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January 17, 2025It’s About Time Our Government Finally Reflects the Real America—An Airport Terminal at 10 a.m. on a Weekday