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Articles by
Patrick Coyne
Patrick Coyne is a comedy writer from Philadelphia. His work has been featured in The New Yorker, Reductress, and The Hard Times, among others.
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March 12, 2025I’m Chunk’s Mother, and No, He Did Not Consult Me Before Telling Sloth He Could Live with Us
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February 19, 2025I Gave a Thousand Typewriters to a Thousand Monkeys, but Instead of Hamlet, They Just Keep Writing Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar
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October 18, 2024What Your Twelve-Foot Home Depot Skeleton Says About Your Recent Divorce
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July 31, 2024Lesser-Known Goals
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June 27, 2024Pavement Lyrics or Trump Cognitive Glitch?
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June 14, 2024Trolley Problem Variations for Dads
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April 17, 2024The Boys Are Back in Town (for Johnny’s Funeral)
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December 11, 2023Everything a Barber Could Do During a Haircut Before I Speak Up
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October 25, 2023A Letter to the Parents that Gave My Son Charlie a Bunch of Rocks for Halloween
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August 31, 2023Welcome to Your Benevolent King’s Bottomless Pit
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July 20, 2023My Political Career Should Not Be Defined by the One Time I Got My Dick Stuck in a CVS Blood Pressure Machine
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May 2, 2023One of Us Always Tells the Truth, the Other Always Lies. Also, Contrary to What You May Have Heard My Penis Is Not Small
Trending 🔥
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March 31, 2025I’m a Free-Thinking Centrist with Only Right-Wing Ideas
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April 1, 2025I’m a German Citizen in 1933, and Is It Just Me or Is It Really Hard to Get Any Work Done Right Now?
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March 26, 2025Excerpts from a Red-Hot Right-Wing Romance Novel
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March 24, 2025Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes
Recently
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April 11, 2025How to Emerge from Hibernation
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April 11, 2025Reviews of New Food: Coffee Mate White Lotus Thai Iced Coffee Creamer
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April 11, 2025Forget the Ten Plagues and Escaping, the Pharaoh and His Rich Friends Say They’re on Our Side
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April 10, 2025Playing Headline-Stealing Games with the Economy is a Great Way to Distract Everyone from Your Human Rights Atrocities