ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
River Clegg
River Clegg is a comedy writer living in Brooklyn. He contributes to McSweeney’s, The New Yorker, The Onion, ClickHole, and others. Eel enthusiast.
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November 27, 2024Prepare for the Inevitable Political Arguments at Thanksgiving with the Turkey Poncho
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October 25, 2024Here’s the Pitch
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January 12, 2024Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Wanted You to Buy This Timeshare
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October 5, 2023I Am Still Scrolling and Would Like Very Much to Stop Feeling Things
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May 11, 2023This Counterfeiting Ring Needs to Make Some Changes
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January 5, 2023Inevitable Questions from My Daughter, and How I Plan to Answer Them
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September 13, 2022A Donation in Your Name
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May 11, 2022Other Rights the Supreme Court Will Get Rid of Because They Aren’t Deeply Rooted in History and Tradition
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March 11, 2022I Am Eight Years Old and Would Like a Batman Movie Aimed at Me, Please
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October 22, 2021Halloween Costume Ideas for New Parents
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September 25, 2018A Day In the Life of a Social Media Influencer
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June 26, 2018You’re Meditating Wrong
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December 19, 2024A Producer Attempts to Pitch The Nutcracker
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May 18, 2011I Regret to Inform You That My Wedding to Captain Von Trapp Has Been Canceled
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December 16, 2024Baby, It’s Me, Polio, and I’ve Missed You
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December 19, 2024An Open Letter to Sarah from Love Actually, to Be Delivered In the Two Seconds Before She Answers Her Phone for the Second Time While Karl Is Tenderly Dry Humping Her