McSWEENEY'S INTERNET TENDENCY'S PATREON
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Articles by
Troy Doetch
Troy is a Deaf writing teacher from Rockford, Illinois who served as the Director of the Northern Illinois University Creative Writing Summer Camps. His son enjoys his stories about hungry space robots.
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May 17, 2024If Trump Wins, I’m Going to Have to Move to Canada to Be Closer to My Long-Distance Girlfriend, Lisa
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April 22, 2024I Tried IHOP’s Sonic the Hedgehog Menu So You Don’t Have to, But I Wish You’d Help Out Once in a While
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February 14, 2024Ten Things to Say at Your Next Meeting Instead of “To Piggyback off Your Idea”
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June 16, 2023reCAPTCHAs Written by Your Dad
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April 12, 2023At My Age, My Dad Was Almost Done with That Tom Clancy Novel
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June 9, 2022Job Posting for Junior Office Scapegoat
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May 17, 2022The Great Lakes Gatsby
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May 3, 2021It’s Me, God, and Yes, I Do Know What Brian Wilson Would Be Without You: Fine
Trending 🔥
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February 10, 2025Voting for the Mayor Who Promised to Blow Up the City Doesn’t Mean I Approve of the Mayor Blowing Up the City
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February 13, 2025Finally, My Tax Dollars Are Being Used to Uncover Publicly Available Government Information
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February 5, 2025Here at DOGE, We’ve Streamlined Every Aspect of America’s Collapse
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February 4, 2025An Accurate Organizational Chart of Your University
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February 21, 2025Don’t Tread on Me—Unless You’re a Billionaire with a Ketamine Addiction, in Which Case I Enthusiastically Support It
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February 21, 2025Excerpts from The Believer: Finding Win Ng
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February 21, 2025Why I Chose to Reenter the Matrix and Be a Living Battery for the Machines
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February 20, 2025Take Him Seriously, Not Literally