“On Thursday, the team announced publicly what had already become a clear choice to many inside the organization: It will play the 2020 season as the Washington Football Team and pick a permanent replacement name later.” -The Washington Post

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1. The Hasten Town Football Magi

-Has potential. Love the reference to DC’s iconic “Hasten Town” nickname.

2. The Big, Oft-Low, Atonal Anthems

-Patriotic, but America’s big anthems are decidedly middle-pitched and nearly all have a clear tonal center.

3. The “Nothing Fat” Oatmeal Bowls

-A little low-energy. Did we ever hear back from Quaker on the sponsorships?

4. The Swift-to-a-Hobo Gallant Men

-“Swift” and “gallant” definitely capture the kind of energy we’re going for. Not sure I get the “hobo” thing, is that what people call opposing quarterbacks or something?

5. The Loath, Oft-Boasting Lawmen

-Now this is DC culture! Favorite so far. /// just occurred to me that “loathe” might be spelled with an e. Double check me pls.

6. The Hometown a’Battling Foals

-Everyone knows DC is “America’s Hometown” but this is too close to the Colts, unfortunately.

7. The Hot, Wafting Meat Balloons

-No-go. Calling the players “hot” will be seen as objectifying.

8. The Two-Halftime Bologna Ants

-“Bologna ants” is certainly original, but the team plays two halves, not “halftimes.” Please do your research in the future.

9. The H-town Fat, Bootleg Animals

-I’m guessing you mean like a black-market elephant or something? The way you’ve described comes off as antagonistic. (Sidenote —did you mean “hometown” or “hastentown” here? I think I actually kinda like the ambiguity.)

10. The National Fetal Womb Goths

-Apropos reference to the abortion debate but afraid goth culture is too niche.

11. The Mint Town Beta-Gal Loofahs

-Mint Town is obviously an iconic DC nickname, but I’m a little taken aback by the aggressive sexism here. And isn’t beta a male thing, anyway? That said, I’m open to it if we bag the Bed Bath and Beyond sponsorship.

12. The Fatal, Tho Slowing, Boatmen

-“Fatal Boatmen” I like: it’s intimidating and invokes classic DC boat culture. But acknowledging our slowing players is a non-starter.

13. The Oaf-Wit Ten-Gallon-Hats Mob

-I feel like these are becoming increasingly disrespectful. (We can workshop it if we ever hear back from Stetson.)

14. The Fit, Woolen, Anglo Bathmats

-YES. Pitch to BB&B, way better than the loofah one, much more upbeat. /// just had a thought: is “anglo” going to get us in trouble on Twitter? I just don’t know the rules anymore.

15. The Malignant Boots of Wealth

-I’m not going to ask you again to keep your anarcho-communist views out of the workplace.

16. The Nonfat, Shallow Bigot Team

-Working in nonfat is good in case Yoplait returns our calls, but calling the team “bigots” defeats the purpose of this name change. Please pay more attention.

17. The Whatnot Meatloaf Goblins

-A little on the nose, don’t you think? (Could consider a Spirit Halloween/Stouffer’s co-sponsorship?)

18. The Washington Football Team

-This gave me a good laugh :) Oh dear…can you imagine?