TO: mischa.stefanuk@artcompound.org
FROM: collegecareerservices@uschool.edu
Dear Mischa,
University Career Services is collecting limited but impactful data to help answer questions such as: how long do our alumni stay with organizations? And what does compensation look like? Please take five minutes to complete the following adaptive survey about your current situation:
1. Which industry did you enter after graduation? THE ARTS
2. Specifically? WRITING AND POTTERY
3. Even though you had student loans? YES
4. How long have you been in your current job? 4 MONTHS
5. How long were you in your previous job? 9 MONTHS
6. And the one before that? 11 MONTHS
7. Is that a trend I’m noticing? NO
8. Is 11 months the longest you’ve been able to keep a job since graduation (no judgment)? YES
9. How many years since you graduated? EIGHT
10. Gotcha. Where do you work now? FROM HOME
11. Is that just your fancy way of saying you’re unemployed? YES
12. So, when you said you’ve been at your current job for 4 months, that job is “being unemployed”? YES
13. What is your current income level? FREELANCE
14. Yeah, but how much do you earn (a number)? IT DEPENDS
15. So, 0? IT DEPENDS
16. But, like, 0 on your tax returns? YES
17. Okay… IS THAT A QUESTION?
18. What time do you start your job search every morning? 8:30 AM
19. But, like, for real? 11:15 AM
20. No, but really? 2:00 PM
21. Cool, cool, cool. YUP
22. Are your parents proud of you? I DON’T ASK
23. Are you proud of yourself? DEPENDS ON THE DAY
24. But, like, no? YEAH. NO.
25. What’s the coolest pottery you ever made? PINCH POT
26. Sorry, but I have to ask… WHAT?
27. Def not trying to make this awkward, but… YEAH?
28. Do you need like, some money for food or something? I’M GOOD
Great.
All information will remain strictly confidential but please know, everyone in the office will enjoy a hearty laugh after we calculate the ratio of how much you paid to study here versus your current annual salary.
To learn about our career coaching resources, visit www.oopsimadeabooboo.com.
Thank you!