An OSHA Workplace Safety Checklist as Designed by Me, a Child Asked to Hold the Flashlight for My Father

REQUIRED OCCUPATIONAL SAFETY
AND HEALTH CHECKLIST

1. Are batteries in the flashlights up to date and working properly?
YES
NO

2. Are flashlights easily accessible at all times?
YES
NO

3. Are all flashlights really heavy?
YES
NO

4. Has someone at the worksite been assigned the incredibly important job of holding the flashlight straight even though the flashlights are really heavy?
YES
NO

5. Is everyone at the worksite on their best behavior?
YES
NO

6. If no, was it explained by the foreman that if everyone is on their best behavior we may get ice cream later?
YES
NO

7. Are all floors, hallways, and exits of the worksite free of toys and other obstructions?
YES
NO

8. Have all necessary tools been gathered prior to starting, with the exception for the correct-sized parts that are actually needed, which, of course, are in the garage?
YES
NO

9. Do all workers know the job is going to take forever and be really boring?
YES
NO

10. Is all safety gear free of defects and also really uncomfortable?
YES
NO

11. Has it been made clear that if you hit your thumb with a hammer you are allowed to say bad words, but you can’t use those bad words around Mom?
YES
NO

12. Have the cartoons on the TV next to the worksite been turned off so that the flashlight holder can focus even if it’s an episode they haven’t seen yet?
YES
NO

13. Does the flashlight holder know they can’t run off to watch cartoons even if they will definitely be back to the worksite when there is a commercial?
YES
NO

14. Have the plans or other instructions been misplaced two minutes into the start of work?
YES
NO

15. If yes, did the foreman look for them in the drawer in the kitchen?
YES
NO

16. If yes, were the instructions found in the last place the foreman looked?
YES
NO

17. Is there a possibility the workers get to see any trucks?
YES
NO

18. If yes, are the trucks big and loud?
YES
NO

19. If yes, is everyone in the work zone ready to acknowledge the trucks when they see them?
YES
NO

20. Does the flashlight holder remember how important it is to keep the flashlight straight the whole time?
YES
NO

21. Does the flashlight holder know they can’t leave the job site even if it’s mac-and-cheese night and the foreman knows that mac and cheese is their favorite, even if they promise to come back and help after dinner?
YES
NO

22. At completion, has the workplace been cleaned up, and is everything put back where the workers found it?
YES
NO

23. Without the foreman asking the workers a second time?
YES
NO

24. Have all screwdrivers, both pointy and not pointy ones, been sorted and stored correctly?
YES
NO

25. Have all nonhazardous chemicals and wastes been labeled in accordance with the Williams-Steiger Occupational Safety and Health Act of 1970?
YES
NO

26. Can we get ice cream?
YES
NO