Greatest Generation: People born between 1901 and 1927 who lived through the Great Depression and definitely never made a TikTok of themselves jumping into a kiddie pool full of nachos.

Second-Greatest Generation: “My Generation” by the Who.

Silent Generation: People born between 1928 and 1945 who came of age at the start of the Cold War and are called “silent” because they’re quietly miffed about not being named the Greatest Generation.

Loud Generation: Boomers at Chili’s who have just been told that their coupon for free popcorn shrimp expired seven months ago. And also, it’s for TGI Fridays.

Participation Generation: See “Millennials.”

Cremation Generation: Most of the Greatest Generation, plus Gen Zers who did the Tide Pod Challenge.

Baby Boomers: People who took to the streets to protest the Vietnam War, hosted sit-ins to protest Jim Crow, and hijacked their family’s Facebook feeds last Tuesday to protest the fact that their millennial daughters forbade them from kissing their grandbabies on the mouth during flu season.

Maybe Boomers: Gen Xers who type on their phones using a single pointer finger.

Gen X: The first latchkey kids who were blessed to grow up watching MTV before 16 and Pregnant.

Generation Twitter: People who refuse to call it X.

Millennials: The last generation to have a childhood partially without the internet and the brutal, merciless killers of the diamond, fabric softener, and paper napkin industries.

Zillennials: People on the cusp of the Millennial and Gen Z generations who have never printed out MapQuest directions to the nearest Blockbuster but also have never used “vibe” as a verb.

Perennials: Boomers who drive south to their Florida condos for the winter and return each spring.

Generation Y: Another name for Millennials, as in “Y don’t they buy paper napkins anymore?”

Elder Millennials: Millennials born in the early 1980s, now in their forties, who will kick you out of their AOL chatroom if you say they’re “too old” to be Millennials.

Generation Z: People born between 1997 and 2010 who have never known a childhood without the internet, which they use to spew vitriol against skinny jeans, ankle socks, and anyone who tells them not to eat Tide Pods.

Sandwich Generation: People who struggle to care for both their children and aging parents, especially when they have to travel to Chili’s to de-escalate their parents’ popcorn shrimp situation, then immediately be called to their Gen Alpha kid’s school because they flooded the bathroom trying to make a real-life Skibidi toilet.

“A Hot Dog Is Not a Sandwich” Generation: People who like to get into arguments that don’t actually matter, like whether you should call it X or Twitter.

Zoomers: Another name for Gen Z.

Zoomers: Millennials lucky enough to be cast members on the live-action children’s TV show Zoom.

Zoom™ers: People who begrudgingly attended virtual bridal showers, algebra classes, and forcibly cheerful St. Patrick’s Day–themed office happy hours during the pandemic.

Zoboomafoomers: Millennials who won’t shut up about how great the TV shows were when they were kids.

Generation Alpha: People born between 2011 and 2024 who have never experienced a world without social media and kiddie-pool-nacho-bath TikToks.

Generation Gamma: Boomers who insist on having a “cool” grandparent name.

Generation Beta: People born in 2025 and beyond, who will most likely cover themselves in Satanic tattoos, wear clothing that’s simultaneously too tight and too baggy, and implant themselves with virtual reality brain chips that will turn them into drooling Cocomelon-worshipping hippie racist snowflakes who are completely antisocial (but somehow are also having too much sex), and will surely drive the world into madness with their degenerate, corrupt ways, as all young people do. Oh, and they’ll make skinny jeans cool again.

The Worst Generation: Every generation that’s not yours.